Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
