new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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