Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
