How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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