On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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