He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Quick, to the slutcave!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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