Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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