i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Randomize
