He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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