I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize