All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
