dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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