READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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