if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize