tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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