Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize