I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
