Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
