Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
