I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
