another moral hangover. fuck.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
its liver damage thursday
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
