So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
