I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize