Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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