I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
