I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
