the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just had sex on a roof
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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