Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
