Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
