saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
