I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
