We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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