my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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