while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
