Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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