I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I pour the whiskey from now on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
