i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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