I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
