Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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