Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
