Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize