in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There are leaves in my underwear?
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