I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
