Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
