can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
