Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
