Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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