I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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