someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
