Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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