just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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