just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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