My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
