More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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