oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
so much tequila, so little girl.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
