i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize