I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
