There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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