Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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