I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
