This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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