So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
