I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
