Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
