I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
