I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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