When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
