The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
