dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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