apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
no, he came in my armpit
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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