Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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