We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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