Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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