We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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