Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
