First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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