Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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