i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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