If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
