that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
