alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
