I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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