we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
a search helicopter?!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
