Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize