no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
