he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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