Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
