I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
