Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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