i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
