you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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