she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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