I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
