I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
