It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
