is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
