My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
