wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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