So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
