Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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