she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
