The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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