I hate your face
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
