She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
