Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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