I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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