the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
