i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
