How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
