idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
